Letter to B.

Dear B,
How do I start this conversation? How about this. I am not happy with us. So, what should we do to make it better?
I have been thinking about us a lot and I thought I should wait until after the holidays to talk to you, but I am sorry, I can not wait much longer.
I really appreciate the ways you treat me, most of all, your generosity. I have tried to think and rethink over and over again to understand all angles of our relationship. So, here are what I come up with.
I hope you understand who I am, where I am coming from as I have tried to tell you during our months of getting to know each other.
B, do you remember about what I told you about my relationship with my father and his stories? I can deal with many things and my kinds of people, but one thing I have hard time to deal with is people who are not value monogamy in their relationship even just with the physical part. I just want us to have a kind of relationship where love, trust and respect are the foundation. I never want to be in a jealousy state of mind. It is plain horrible just to imagine to be in that situation. I want to be able to trust you as much as I love you. I want our relationship to be clean in every possible ways. I do not want to be in an open relationship, period.
B, you told me about slipping, being able to slip, about physically fun, and about forgiveness in our last conversation. Temptation is everywhere, you and I could both slip, so where and what should be the limits? When we head down that slippery slope, I do not think neither one of us is strong enough to maintain ours. So, what are the points of having an exclusive relationship if we can not protect it from being destroyed? Forgiveness is essential in any relationship, but it should not be a getting out of jail free card. How often do you think you or I could forgive one another for cheating? In our last conversation you said that being with me is difficult since your slipping could cause our relationship. The question should be is why would I have to be responsible for our relationship since you were the one that slipped and vice versa? So if you and I would still want to look for something outside of our relationship, that means neither one of us were enough for each other. I am sorry, I do not want to be any part of the circus and I might not be the one for you then.
B, communication is super important to me. I would love to express my feelings to you when I need without facing remarks like "thinking like a woman, talking like a woman, being a drama queen... " Please stop patronizing me and for once recognize that I am unlike any one you dated before. I am just being me. Respect is the two way street in my opinion.
B, I want you to be a priority in my life since we are dating... and vice versa. Please have your priorities sorted and make me feel important to you.
B, how about some passion and romance? Could I just hold your hand, rest on your arms or shoulder or maybe even kiss you when I feel like doing it without you asking me what I am doing. Please make me feel belonged.
B, please do not say something and take it back just like you want me to be your boy friend and then take it back. How do you think I feel when you lower my status? Please make me feel loved.
You are a strong minded person, very strong actually and confident and independent. It is impossible for me to fit into your life without you making any room for me. Please make some rooms for me if you want me. Please talk to me, open up to me and fill me in, make me feel needed.
B, I know neither you nor I like this kind of conversation. It is heavy; however, I think it is really necessary for our relationship. This is me. I am a package along with all of these issues and could be more. If you think this is too much, then we should think of another alternative for our relationship.
This message could make or break our relationship, I am willing to take a chance. With this journey, happiness is my quest.
Hiet.